Acting and responding VS reacting

As we navigate through life, there may be situations or conflict presented that requires us to act and respond in order to maintain personal boundaries or sense of self. There is a subtle difference between reacting to a situation or conflict and responding to one and i feel that it is important to cover in terms of not only supporting a partner who has experienced trauma but for the survivor of trauma themselves as part of recovery.

In terms of survivors of trauma; survivors frequently REACT in times of; stress, facing (potential) triggers, conflict, criticism (feared or actual) and within relationships. Any situation or relationship stressor can cause a survivor of trauma to be impulsive and reactive due to the nature of trauma itself and related symptoms. Of course, there is a huge spectrum with regards to this; just as a diamond differs – each individual reaction to trauma will too.

In cases of Childhood developmental trauma; research shows the developmental period to be of great significance in terms of reactions to trauma in adult life. What occurs inside the developmental phase will essentially impact a survivor in to their adult life and mold their interactions and view of self accordingly.

In terms of reacting, a survivor of childhood trauma will in many ways exhibit learned behaviour in their personal relationships – that behaviour being what was unjustly done by supposed “caregivers”. Many adult survivors of trauma which occurred in childhood feel a perpetual sense of self guilt and hate, blaming their personality and attributes as being the cause of trauma in the past. This can significantly shape and alter how a survivor reacts within their personal life and lead to cause issues if not addressed.

Reacting in a way similar to past abuse is just as common as the other end of the spectrum – people pleasing and denial of own needs/desires and completely dependent upon the individual survivor; their personality, experience and level of support available. Just as it is possible to react, it is possible to learn how to respond instead.

In cases of adult interpersonal relationship trauma; impulsive reactions to potential conflict or triggers is also a common trend. Reactions may be caused by personal triggers and flashbacks to past toxic relationships. Even interaction with the best intent can trigger a survivor to react and rely on 4f responses.

An individual who reacts is someone who is always responding to external events around them. Responding to triggers, to external stimuli and to a skewed perception due to either maladaptive upbringing, abuse in childhood or Adult interpersonal relationship trauma.

Constantly responding disregards guidance from our core values. It allows all and any to impact us and yank on our chain and we end up reacting to a complete set of unnecessary stimuli. Used constantly, reacting becomes a waste of energy and inner resources as it rarely brings about positive change.

Reacting over that which you have no control has no use nor does it bring much; if any – positive change.

Conflict arises when individuals react rather than act.

Acting (responding) however is a more balanced and intentional act. It involves forethought, planning, ability to reason and control emotions; refraining from using them in an emotional (reactive) response.

Acting is not used in the form of the act being in some way fake, however one having the ability to have an internal dialogue and control over the chosen response.

To act usually incorporates a positive attitude.

During conflict; human behaviour is shown to react negatively to a response which is emotionally reactive. Whereas generally speaking, a positive balanced action tends to alleviate any aggravation caused – this is of course true in normal relationships which are free from abuse or toxic behaviour and stimuli.

Trauma survivors tend to react to events that are perceived to be outwith their control as a habitual response. Learning to handle conflict in a way that iss less reactive and more responsive negates the risk of negative consequences such as retraumatization and triggering.

Reacting can be reduced through positive reflection; awareness and at times perception alterations (if appropriate). It is important to note that reacting is something we do instinctively and is closely related to animal behaviour. For survivors of trauma; reacting can become a form of armour – used to protect and defend. The issue with this is that its not always balanced or appropriate to rely on the impulsiveness of reactions as it can actually serve to cause situations which reinforce negative messages such as shame, guilt and poor self worth.

More information can be found within our group; TRUK.

Posted on 1st Dec 2020 by traumaresearchuk 0

Helping a survivor of trauma through; ANGER

Having already looked at ways to support a survivor of trauma within a relationship; I have covered – the importance of support and differences between responding vs reacting (HERE), I furthered this by providing strategies and tips for partners (HERE), and focused on responding to flashbacks (HERE). This blog will look at anger and volatile behaviour – giving some explanation in terms of experiencing anger from the perspective of a survivor and providing helpful strategies to cope and respond.

What is ANGER?

Most of the root cause of anger is hidden beneath the surface; When a survivor of trauma becomes angry, there are usually other emotions beneath. Some emotions are repressed or blocked by a survivor of trauma as they feel too out of control and intense (more on identifying emotions HERE).

Trauma survivors find unwanted and intense feelings tend to pop out of nowhere however, there could potentially be a Trigger Point causing a subconscious emotion and response. This makes identifying causes of emotion or triggers itself extremely difficult. In addition to this, childhood trauma survivors may have been conditioned to ignore their own emotions and feelings. Focusing more on the emotions of others, people pleasing and splitting their personality to appease any authoritative figure in their lives.

It can be helpful when we get angry to reflect on what actually caused the anger in the first place – but that is not as easy as it seems. Sometimes it can be really easy to get caught up in the overwhelming feelings and its best to wait until the anger reaches its natural regression before reflection.

When angry, a survivor’s capacity to reason (Think; front brain) switches off as survival instincts kick in (Think; Amygdala). Reflecting under such circumstances would not be beneficial. Anger can be a cause of feeling let down or attacked. Feeling already “full up” or overwhelmed. It can come from loss – loss of a loved one and also loss of perhaps a relationship we had trust in. Anger as a response itself doesn’t sit alone. It is part of a survivors 4f response that automatically becomes activated (More info on the 4f response can be found HERE).

As a whole, individuals have 3 possible reactions as the feelings of anger surface; aggression, fleeing or dissociation; either in the mind or environment. It can cause survivor’s to shout, scream, throw objects, verbally abuse, hide, cry and even threaten with some reactions seeming to outsiders as inappropriate and appearing from (at times) nowhere. How it manifests generally is through past experience. For individuals with trauma disorders; anger can serve to protect ourselves when we feel threatened and can come as a result of trauma but can also be managed.

For episodes of repeated extreme anger; there is usually a deeper cause which needs to be addressed and explored in order to release the toxins of anger and effectively recover. I have found that exploring my personal anger bouts to be eye opening. Instead of giving in and allowing it to take over or cause guilt. I try and detach and view the event as an outsider; question why I am reacting that way. Finding the core reason usually enables me to deal with the more superficial issue of anger. It is important to note that many survivor’s are at completely different parts of their recovery; many have great difficulty in identifying or experiencing emotion, others may have worked through this process and are able to identify deep rooted emotion however face difficulty with identifying an anger outburst as being imminent. Just as I can reflect at times; does not mean that others can – nor does it mean they cannot. Recovery is a winding journey and what may be accessible to me right now, may stop being that way further down the line (info on the downward spiral can be found HERE).

Of course deep routed anger is not as simple as; reflect; assess; retry. However, should be worked through over a period of time and various approaches. Releasing adrenaline and endorphins through exercise or meditation can be beneficial however many individuals with complex trauma can not successfully meditate. That is usually the place where the demons arise as thoughts. Research has shown that active body exercises such as Thai chi or yoga alongside therapy to be extremely beneficial for recovery.

Anger is not always negative and can be useful in certain situations as well as being useful for recovery. Using anger to Verbally Ventilate can be extremely useful in recovering from trauma (more on verbal ventilation HERE)

In terms of learning more about anger (with respect to survivors experiences) – we have a wealth of resources on our Facebook group; TRUK.

How to help a survivor through anger or volatile behaviour.

It is absolutely possible to support a trauma survivor who is experiencing anger or exhibiting volatile behaviour – at times reactions are uncontrollable and from personal experience; in times of my own volatile angry outbursts; anyone could have been standing in front of me – even the Queen; and still I would continue. Anger is less about YOU and more about a survivors personal triggers and trauma responses however we do recognize the role of perception being a factor – all of which require support through recovery.

Instead of emulating the anger you see, or fighting back; It can be helpful to have in your own mind – a plan for how to respond to certain situations (responding to a FLASHBACK is different).

Try to remain calm

When facing anger head on; it can be very difficult to remain calm. Especially if that anger is unjustly directed at you. I must say however; the times my anger (as a trauma reaction) has been met with similar outbursts – has never went well for either of us. Simply put, at times a survivor simply cannot calm down – the reaction in the amygdala is too intense to allow this and it can be as generic as having a natural timeline (meaning it will naturally dissipate). depending to what stage a survivor has recovered; it could be your responsibility to be the role model in these situations.

It can be helpful to remember that the outburst is a trauma reaction, that it could have been enmeshed within a survivor through decades of parental abuse or domestic violence – it will take time and a whole load of patience to support appropriately.

If you are personally facing difficulties remaining calm; remove yourself from the area or situation for a brief period of time and allow both parties to naturally cool off.

In remaining calm support comes from a stable and warm tone of voice, non-aggressive/defensive body language (trust me, survivors have a sense and can identify inauthentic behaviour – if your words say one thing; but your body or tone say’s another; this can become counterproductive) and non judgemental attitudes (so the reaction should NEVER be used against a survivor as this only serves to increase guilt and shame whilst simultaneously decreasing recovery efforts).

Give the survivor space

In outbursts of anger; the window of tolerance for other triggers becomes diminished. When angry, a survivor may feel a sense of vulnerability. This vulnerability causes a trauma survivor to use self protective measures to cope – anger is the number one method used.

In such cases; no survivor will be calmed by having their personal space violated. Personally, my space is larger than what others may expect. This is because I have a huge baseline for hypervigilance, I see things way before anyone else does – my smell and hearing is more sensitive – The broken are the more evolved (James McAvoy; Split). I would suggest finding out where that clutch point is as it will be in a way specific to each individual – I am not a fan of affection or touch either and these are completely related to my own trauma experience.

Giving space is not only with regards to physical proximity; but emotionally and verbally too. Giving space in such a way supports a survivor by giving them a sense of safety and control in a time when they clearly feel out of control and vulnerable. Emotional space describes the act of not forcing your partner to reflect or talk about feelings if they choose not to; that is ultimately the choice they face and only they can make – becoming upset or angry yourself at what appears to be cold withdrawn behaviour only serves to solidify weaknesses in the relationship.

It can be helpful to specify a period of time that you both agree on if space is required, that could be 10 minutes or longer but not exceeding hours; which can become blocking behaviour.

Ask how to help

You are not expected to be telepathic in order to support a survivor of trauma. Many survivors in fact want you to ask how you can help because it makes them feel heard and valuable. Asking how to help also opens up the doors of communication which can allow you to further reflect on a survivors personal difficulties.

The key is found within the word; ‘ask‘. It doesn’t matter if you’ve known your partner for decades and feel that there is a sense of deeper understanding. Trauma can flip a switch within that turns individuals in to a completely different person; still, asking rather than telling gives a survivor a sense of authenticity and genuine desire to help. Something they may have rarely experienced (if ever).

Put safety first

Now, I wont sugar coat my experiences…there was a time that my anger was so uncontrollable and intense that there was a serious safety concern regarding others and myself. Before I was able to identify my own emotions, reactions and triggers; I was enslaved to anger. One thing that may seem irrelevant to others could trigger an episode of pure uncontrolled rage which resulted in me throwing objects (ANY object that was beside me, it literally had no rhyme or reason), being destructive (using mop handles to break doors that I’ve used to lock the outside out) and causing injury to myself (literally breaking fingers; not feeling a thing and continuing my rampage). Such acute episodes would last until my energy did – however if that individual had removed themselves from inside the home; they would have stopped much quicker (more on amygdala hijack HERE).

It seems to me in such a state that a cycle began, where I would be triggered; explode with anger and then such acts would serve to catalyse the situation further. Had I been left alone (and explained I wasn’t being abandoned!) the cycle would have stopped before it catalysed in to further issue.

Also, had someone asked how they could help and followed through with that – I would have felt much more comfortable to accept that help. No one wants to be that angry. No one.

Work with your partner to identify and manage their anger

This seems self explanatory, however I really want to emphasise the fact that every survivor of trauma will manage anger completely differently – many will benefit from space whereas many will actually find this counterproductive and so having an open conversation (without blame, negative tone or body language) will really give you an understanding and insight in to how your partner can be best supported through their anger.

It can be helpful to work through this in therapy, if your partner is already seeing a therapist it could be wise to ask if you can go along to talk and understand more about your partners anger. Stay away from blame or from forcing yourself in to appointments, if your partner does not seem keen on the idea then back off. This can be just as important as asking in the first place.

There are various resources and handouts (worksheets) available on TRUK. You can find an entire blueprint of what we have available HERE

The following is a list of ideas to try during an angry episode

Identify the situation, cause and immediate need (each outburst can be different in terms of intensity and some outbursts may need immediate action in terms of maintaining safety)
Remain calm, from blame, free of negative tone or body language
Refrain from shouting or invading personal space
Try to go a walk together – away from the confines of the situation and in to the fresh air.
Allow your partner to vent – verbal ventilation is extremely healing. Only if your partner wants to talk – do not force them to open up.
Play music
Help distract – put on something funny; humour can be cathartic.
Respect your partners wishes – if they want space; give it to them for an agreed period; If they want to go a walk alone; that’s great – refrain from unsolicited advice or easy answers (“everything will be OK”)
Stay away from romantic terrorism; that is do not threaten, control or use reactions in future disagreements.
Help your partner to reflect when they are calm
Participate in therapy at your partners approval
Seek personal support
Remember, it’s OK to walk away. No one should be subjected to constant repeated bouts of anger – this becomes abuse. If you feel you have helped and taken (or witnessed) as much as you can possibly give; save yourself and know that it is OK to walk away.

Support for partners of trauma survivors can be accessed on TRUK where we have a huge wealth of resources for partners and survivors alike.

Posted on 19th Nov 202019th Nov 2020 by traumaresearchuk 1

Helping a survivor of trauma through a flashback

Our recent posts have focused on partners and friends of survivors in the sense of how to support a survivor through their trauma illness. A wealth of information can also be found on our Facebook group; TRUK. Having already covered an overview of trauma and the types of disorder it can cause, the importance of support (found here) and helpful advice in supporting survivors (found here); I felt it was also important to look more specifically at how to support during a flashback episode.

Understanding what a flashback is and what it causes can be extremely helpful with regards to being able to provide appropriate support. On gaining an understanding of triggers and flashbacks you will have a general view of how these MAY impact your friend or loved one however it is important to note that every reaction, interpretation and perception will differ and this information will only provide you with a first step. The next steps are completely reliant on you personally having a good level of awareness of the personal triggers and issues that may cause an acute onset of trauma symptoms. Anticipating these triggers is the best way to support a survivor of trauma; having that awareness not only makes the survivor feel heard but provides a sense of safety.

It can be helpful to ask your loved one (friend, colleague etc) if they are personally aware of their own triggers and if so; what they are. You don’t need to push to understand why or hear the details – of course if your partner looks to divulge this, then by all means provide a listening ear – this will give you a bigger understanding of individual triggers and issues in order to help you support.

If there is no awareness of many (or any) triggers, it can be important to begin to identify these. We have a lot of files on our group which help identify emotions, triggers and flashbacks. You cannot force your partner to work on identifying triggers, no one wants to be triggered in to such panic – survivors of trauma WILL get there when they CAN.

A flashback is a vivid and sometimes intense experience where an individual may relive some aspects of a traumatic event or feel as if it’s happening right now. Flashbacks don’t always involve a dissociative type state such as feeling as if you are watching videos of your trauma, flashbacks don’t always involve reliving your trauma beginning to end and can actually come in the form of feeling physiological sensations such as: pain or pressure, noticing sounds or smells associated to your trauma or experiencing the emotions that you felt during the trauma.

Flashbacks range from one-off smaller experiences that may go unnoticed to repeated places and situations triggering an emotional response. Some flashbacks can be worked through with a combination of therapy, analysis and safe coping mechanisms however, for some flashbacks you need to learn to ride the wave. When emotions come and go, it’s best not to fight them off; rather than to ride with them.

CPTSD triggers often go unrecognised, not like single type 1 traumas with a beginning middle and end that can be identified easily. With CPTSD, due to the nature of traumatic events – multiple traumatic events result in small social environmental cues that can be easily missed. With complex trauma; the effects of trauma are not clear-cut and neither are the flashbacks associated with it. Every person is different and will experience different types of flashbacks and every person may also respond differently to treatment methods – more info on emotional flashbacks can be found here.

The important thing is that flashbacks can be managed through reflecting on personal triggers and working on perception, grounding, removing unnecessary stress and appropriate support. They can appear out of control and frightening however, the only individual experiencing debilitating fear is the survivor of trauma.

During a flashback or trigger response, it can be helpful to vocalise this and give it meaning. Identify to your partner that what they are experiencing is a flashback (or they have been triggered by x, y or z) and that you are there for support.

Many survivors have never experienced the beauty of strong authentic support and this can catch them off guard. This may take practice to really overcome. The finer points of course being patience and non judgement, survivors usually belittle themselves for experiencing flashbacks so strongly and it’s important to normalise this. Let your partner know how they respond is normal.

It can also be helpful to remind your partner of their surroundings, this works as a sort of grounding at times bringing them back quicker than would normally. We have a great deal of grounding exercises over at TRUK. These can help in assistance and during progression however just putting a voice out there can be extremely therapeutic.

Encourage your partner to breathe slowly and deeply. Usually shallow breathing comes along side panic, fear and triggers/flashbacks. Regulation of breathing resores oxygen back to where its needed and allows the frontal lobe to return.

It is important to avoid sudden movement. Even if you think you have given your partner enough space, slowing down that movement will really help in Calming the emotional storm and survival activation. Our graphic should be helpful in reminding you of these subtle tips.

Remember it’s so important to always ask before you touch. Some survivors can handle unexpected touch and that’s fantastic, however many survivors can not. It is physically painful to be touched unexpectedly especially during a flashback or trigger. Giving your partner that sense of control can do wonders for recovery in general and not just in times of deep emotional distress.

Once again we have a huge resource available on TRUK covering the smaller points of support. This however will give a good solid starting point in which to open up communication lines and make your own plan.

Support is available to any one who needs it, please Contact us!

Posted on 17th Nov 202017th Nov 2020 by traumaresearchuk 2

The Downward spiral for trauma survivors

Most trauma survivors also experience depressive symptoms to the extent that the diagnosis of depression or anxiety may come prior to the realisation of having a trauma disorder or even experiencing trauma itself. It is a common trend in the uk to unsuccessfully treat depression or anxiety in potentially millions of patients primarily suffering unresolved trauma. That initial diagnosis of depression, anxiety, borderline, bipolar, OCD, anorexia and a whole host of separate psychiatric illness may instead be a symptom of trauma, of the progression of maladaptive coping and reliance or of a plethora of other issues stemming from unknown or ‘silent’ trauma’s. Therefore it is not only common for individuals to attend psychiatric treatment for a symptom of trauma, but to feel unsuccessful after treatment as many underlying issues still remain. That being said, the addition of developmental trauma and a developed ACE screen would have the potential to change not only the face of mental illness but the statistics that come as a result of said treatment.

When looking at the depressive symptoms of trauma related illnesses; symptoms do not always follow along a clear cut line of the criteria for diagnosis of depression. Clinically, depression is diagnosed as a feeling of hopelessness and despair on most days – lasting at least 2 years, which leads to avoidance, sell harm or suicidal behaviour, memory issues, Insomnia or oversleeping and the lack of interest or over interest in food. On a scale; depression can range from mild, moderate and severe and as recently researched – “high functioning”. High functioning depression is similar to the standard definition of depression however the individual experience a less ‘severe’ symptom type and can or is a functioning member of society (Ie holding a job, has a support structure, can maintain social life etc).

The NHS look and treat depression over a 6-week course of CBT as a standard protocol as well as introducing medication to stabilize an individuals depressive/reactive symptoms; making it ‘easier’ to work through and be successful at therapy provided. This is not always the case for a variety of reasons; however during this particular article, I intend to focus on how unresolved trauma causes relapses in a trauma survivors recovery journey – or as the NHS have stated; how depression causes a Downward Spiral.

Therapy provided by the NHS regarding The Downward Spiral of mood (1) looks at how an individuals depression and low mood causes a downward spiral and a potential relapse in treatment. I tend to view the latter differently, I view it as how unresolved trauma causes relapses in a trauma survivors recovery journey. With focus shifting away from an individual’s “faulty cognition” and onto the potential that an individual may have developed maladaptive coping a response to (unresolved) trauma. That being said; I would like to dissect the downward spiral model further and apply it to trauma in a more trauma informed way

NHS UK shows the downward spiral to be concurrent with depression however one could easily apply it to many other psychiatric illnesses. The notion being when an individual is depressed they experience low mood which leads to negative thinking and low self-worth. This is said to cause an individual to behave in ways that maintain the depressive mood, causing a downward spiral (1).

This notion is based on the CBT method of treating depression. Even within intensive trauma therapy programs set by NHS; depression is viewed as a sub disorder or comorbidity to individuals with trauma. Having looked at developmental trauma previously, we know that both complex trauma and childhood trauma cause an individual to feel shame, low self-worth and to have a negative mindset imprinted within them. One that is difficult to deconstruct in terms of trauma symptoms. Applying the model explained by the NHS to trauma can be destructive; placing some blame on the individual for experiencing a downward spiral of mood due to their own “faulty cognition” and not as a relapse or awakening of unresolved trauma can serve to retraumatise and compound feelings of low self-worth and shame in survivors.

The downward spiral as applied to unresolved trauma – gives a survivor a greater understanding of why they seem to frequently feel like they are in cycles of coping vs crisis.

The NHS further state that is through responding to a low mood with negative thinking or unhelpful behaviours that can result in an individual being stuck in a downward spiral of negative thoughts and unhelpful behaviours leading to another episode of depression. It is through “not being able to tolerate a mild state of depression and avoid negative thinking and behaviours” which creates this downward spiral and thus having the ability to challenge negative thoughts and behaviours with safer coping will allow an individual to maintain theur mood positively and safely.

With regards to ‘pure’ depression with no other comorbidity or trauma being involved; this is in many ways correct and a little bit of common sense. However with regards to the fact that 1 in 13 individuals suffer traumatic events in the UK within their life – the standard depression that the NHS diagnose may not be the full picture. For those individuals who had “high functioning depression” or a “depression” diagnosis turn to the realisation that they actually experienced trauma; the standard treatment and explanation may be counterproductive and dangerous.

Trauma survivors are notoriously hardened to being able to withstand others negative tactics and projections. It’s not so much the case that a trauma survivor cannot ‘tolerate’ a mild and negative state than a trauma survivor unknowingly may use negative coping which can eventually manifest to a secondary illness. Many individuals of Childhood trauma or interpersonal relationship trauma may have been taught at one point that these coping mechanisms brought safety. In terms of brain development and function; we already know trauma changes neural pathways and volume in areas of the brain. Therefore it is not through low tolerance that a survivor may enter a downward spiral rather than that is all they are wired to know at that point in time – unresolved trauma thus needs to be explored to understand the reasons why an individual may repeatedly experience cycles of coping vs crisis.

In many instances, a trauma survivor may not always be aware of everything traumatic that ever happened to them. This could be either due to memory changes in the brain, dissociation or age and developmental stage at the time of traumatic events. In fact, it is very common for a survivor of trauma to be hit by either new nemories or new triggers on a day-to-day basis – even hour to hour in some instances. The triggering of one memory or one small aspect may set off a chain reaction of memories and triggers; flooding the body, making it feel at times that the event has just happened all over again and is just as raw as it once was.

The fact being in this case the already heightened survival mode becomes activated and an individual initially relies on their 4f or cross type responses. Frequent reliance on these responses is known to have the ability to manifest into secondary psychiatric illnesses, however in terms of the downward spiral, we see a survivors use of these responses as being the cause of.

In cases of Childhood trauma and developmental trauma, it is common to have a variety of unresolved traumatic events manifest suddenly and without warning. Similarly, in cases of adult complex trauma; dissociation and numbing during the event can we lead to effects manifesting years later leading to a downward spiral in TRAUMA symptoms.

It is also common for survivors of trauma to experience subtle emotional or somatic flashbacks or to be inadvertently triggered; unaware of the cause. A survivor of trauma can have hundreds of different triggers, some of which they are unaware until they are faced with suddenly. With regards to the downward spiral, it may not be caused solely by a low mood and negative behaviour but instead caused by the sudden realisation of events once unresolved being triggered and awakened.

With regards to the NHS treatment protocol, focus is placed on overcoming negative thoughts and behaviour through fixing ‘faulty cognition’ either via behavioural strategies, acceptance or cognitive strategies. If the NHS were however to take a more trauma informed approach to treating all mental illness – we may find a massive change in the current statistics of mental health in the UK.

A trauma informed approach is necessary for screening for the true effects of trauma in individuals. Further normalising what a large proportion of the UK may inadvertently suffer from and removing some of the stigma of ‘poor’ mental health. Instead of solely treating depression or depressive SYMPTOMS through behavioral and cognitive modification, identifying past unresolved issues when they arise or giving an individual the knowledge and understanding of that possibility could serve to benefit millions of people in the UK.

Our research group can be found here;
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2348717965433957/?ref=share

Currently we are conducting research into the causes of trauma. I have included a link to the survey here : https://surveyheart.com/form/5f06e63b3ed8765392fe12d0

If you would be interested in taking part, please feel free. If you would like to share this study i would also welcome you to use the link, many thanks!

References

Dr. Lisa Reynolds (2012), the downward spiral. NHS UK therapy options for CBT

Posted on 29th Sep 2020 by traumaresearchuk 1

Using verbal ventilation for recovery from trauma

Verbal ventilation is a term which has been taken from literature by Pete Walker – “complex PTSD from surviving to thriving“, 2013. Walker describes each of the four methods used in grieving from trauma as a recovery tool in great detail. I intend to further provide an overview of verbal ventilation for grieving trauma (both developmental and interpersonal abuse) and provide some strategies for achieving such recovery tactic.

Verbal ventilation concerns the writing or speaking of one’s trauma and emotions in order to fully release/reflect on the repressed painful feelings associated with such event(s). Primarily; speaking holds the greatest yield in terms of recovering from trauma – writing ones feelings and experiences can be an optimal way to begin to embark upon fully ventilating through speech.

By attaching meaning to words; an individual can begin to release pain associated with past trauma. When reflecting through written word, it switches one’s left brain to become functional allowing reduced right brain symptoms (hyper vigilance, racing thought, flashbacks, emotional avoidance/flashbacks, dissociation etc) and an ability to reflect appropriately on the event(s) concerned.

Determined practice of this method can result in a survivor of trauma having a newfound ability to begin to speak their pain and hear the emotional response in their own voice. This allows for further reflection and acceptance but should be worked towards. It is not an easy method to perfect, speaking ones pain can be difficult for many survivors of trauma as they have faced abusive behavioural conditioning in response to voicing their basic human rights. For survivors of Childhood developmental trauma who have in many cases developed in such a way that speaking without self judgement becomes incredibly difficult; using writing first in order to practice a form of verbal ventilation can be helpful when working towards having the self confidence and compassion required to voice that pain.

Adult interpersonal relationship trauma often results in similar conditioning with a survivor or victim being punished for speaking out, having an opinion and judged accordingly. Both examples are what differs PTSD from complex trauma and developmental trauma as both include deep brain changes (in volume/pathways) and complex interpersonal difficulties. However both survivors of developmental trauma and adult interpersonal relationship trauma can effectively work towards finding their voice through writing to reflect. An individual can use journaling, interview style question/answers and art and creative means in order to begin processing the pain associated with the past – and slowly working towards having an ability to verbally ventilate without judgement and fear.

As one begins to hear the words, meaning becomes attached in a new way; different from the written word previously used. When we speak about our past; the words become tinged in emotion and memory and can identify repressed feeling attached ultimately removing shame and guilt from a survivor with self blame and inner critic attacks.

Speaking in an uncensored manner without fear of judgement while simultaneously focusing on feelings or body sensations provides release of the emotion of the past. For some individuals beginning their journey or using verbal ventilation for the first time; emotional identification may not come so easily. As each trauma differs; each response differs – what one recovering individual is able to attain does not equate to the other. Trauma is a multidimensional illness which differs for each and every survivor. Those survivors who can not easily identify their emotions may benefit from working on emotional labeling and processing (either alone or alongside a trauma informed therapist).

Verbal ventilation provides the same release as anger (found here) the or crying (found here) but also helps to expose the critic driven attacks which become commonplace for a survivor. When a survivor is able to increasingly verbalise and communicate their needs they take a step closer to peace. These needs that were once unmet (and unjustly so) can be attained through appropriate verbal ventilation and recovery through grieving methods. Used in succession with anger and crying; verbal ventilation serves to propel an individual with regards to recovery.

Using verbal ventilation for recovery from trauma requires courage. When hearing those words that flow from a newly freed place within; they are individually tinted and descriptive, carrying alongside anger, guilt, fear, sadness and shame. That can turn in to a dark place where the survivor may lack emotional regulation to fight off the critic attacks that can blend sneakily in to what one believes to be verbally ventilating.

Using ventilation alongside crying and anger can propel recovery through grieving and help a trauma survivor to become free from previous emotional constraints. Regular practice of this method not only increases intimacy but actually helps to remediate the brain changes which are caused by CPTSD and developmental trauma (brain changes info can be found here)

During an emotional flashback, the right side of the brain (emotion) becomes overstimulated and hyperactive while the left side of the brain function reduces considerably leading to an inability to process the emotional reaction required at that time. Verbally ventilating brings the left brain back to function. With an acquired ability to think and feel simultaneously; words translate to feelings which can be processed and resolved. There is an increase in ones ability to interpretate and communicate not only with the self but with others.

The repeated pattern of using verbal ventilation for recovery allows the formation of new neural pathways which allows the left brain and right brain to finally balance and work together ultimately leading to an ability to reflect and recover.
Such results have been seen throughout research and theorists can now see these brain changes being present on an MRI following successful verbal ventilation and reflection.

The actual practice of verbal ventilation allows alignment of both the right an left hemisphere. Whenever the right side becomes activated (I.e flashbacks); the left side can provide steps to reduce and manage the reaction.

Proficiency of verbal ventilation leads to an ability to think and feel and ultimately creates appropriate healthy responses to inner feelings. Survivors practicing verbal ventilation have shown to begin to show their selves compassion and respect the – a core trait required in ones ability to appropriately label and react to emotions.

This type of grieving method is only effective when the critic (both inner and outer) has no control over the survivor. Using anger and sadness as a first step in recovering has been proven successful in reducing critic driven attacks. Work should be completed here prior to verbal ventilation so in order to reduce the risk of oversharing or to reduce the potential from a shift from healthy ventilation to critic driven attacks (which can easily blend in to attempts to ventilate).

Verbal ventilation easily turns in to self attacking, criticism, triggering or intensifies flashbacks. For these reasons; practice in verbal ventilation should be approached slowly and if possible with support (from a recovered spouse, friend or therapist). It is common for survivors of trauma to be unaware of this shift from ventilation to critic attacks. This may be due to the nature of trauma itself and how an individual may have been forced to develop over the course of their life and trauma.

Practiced alone, verbal ventilation can be helpful. There is no other person available to hear or judge the emotive words and memories held by a survivor and can be a great starting point in recovering from trauma through grieving. It is important to note that verbal ventilation should only be completed alone if the survivor is fully aware of critic attacks.

Support can be beneficial in helping a survivor to recognise and neutralise critic driven attacks, through repeated practice; this healthy response becomes formed in those new neural pathways and thus becomes second nature in which to practice.

Verbal ventilation heals trauma and abandonment by improving our connection to others. Sharing what is important to us through ventilation forges new healthy connections with others. Completed within a safe environment and relationship; humans have an instinctual desire for verbal-emotional intimacy. Doing so creates connection and friendship increasing one’s positive experience and fueling desire to repeat successfully.

Sharing itself can be triggering for a trauma survivor. A survivor of developmental trauma may have spent their entire childhood being taught that it is not beneficial to share or open up. In fact, many cases of both interpersonal abuse and childhood trauma impacts an individual’s ability to voice opinion never mind inner most feelings. In cases of trauma with no clear beginning, middle or end; difficulties arise with perception and interpersonal relationships. This can be the hardest hurdle to recovery however can be efficiently counteracted through group or individual support (or more preffered; from a trauma informed therapist).

Trauma survivors who have successfully terminated relationships with abusers often re enter toxic relationships and can over share as a coping mechanism to past trauma. This type of verbal ventilation is not effective in recovering from trauma through grieving. Oversharing causes vulnerability and actually harms relationships by not only providing others with fearful information but by causing others to question life and their own self in the process. When an individual over shares; they reduce the strength of their personal boundaries. Boundaries which are set in order to protect.once those boundaries become blurred; it becomes more likely that the individual in question will face further trauma from interpersonal relationships.

Verbal ventilation increases intimacy through bringing comfort and restoring connection between oneself and others. Sharing appropriately produces a bond through mutual sympathy and a desire to connect. This can aid a survivor in being more emotionally intimate with their partner or within common relationships.

Grieving through verbal ventilation also reduces the abandonment fears and depression associated with past trauma. Through cognitive work and practice of verbal ventilation techniques a survivor can not only build neural pathways but form new connections and experience further positive outcomes as a result.

Tips for ventilation

Start by writing – if you have never experienced verbal ventilation it can be beneficial to build a fundamental base through first writing ones experiences. Writing for ventilation includes journaling, writing poetry, creating song lyrics, writing personal memoirs and using an interview style structure in order to aid processing and reflection.
When writing it can be helpful to write without worry of spelling, punctuation or structure. Ventilation through writing concerns an individual writing everything and anything that comes to mind – no matter how insignificant it feels at the time. Worrying about one’s punctuation or structure is incredibly counterproductive and causes the left side brain to take over from feeling.

Music as a tool – a mediator step between writing and speaking emotions would be to use music to express how you feel. When reflecting on past abuse; assigning a particular music type to it can really aid a survivor in beginning to become used to hearing the sounds of emotions as a protective step prior to verbally ventilating.
Different genres may touch you in different ways. Try all genres of music until you find one that feels right. Whether that be classical, rock, dance, pop, piano, rain sounds or meditation – assigning meaning to music can be a productive tool especially during flashbacks.

Practice – using any of the four grieving tools as a recovery tool is not a quick process. Accept that such practices of recovery can take a while to adopt. Over time it can be helpful to reflect on the progress that you have made over your time grieving.
Reflection – write down or journal emotions and feelings for the day, it may be helpful to follow a script or pre written interview when reflecting. Journaling is an effective way to set small; attainable goals whilst tracking them as well as providing opportunities for self reflection, offloading of thoughts and allowing an alternative response to be explored. Journaling or reflecting can also be useful for a survivor of trauma when attempting to replace negative self talk and behaviour.

Replace negative with positive (the key is balance) – it can be common for a trauma survivor to become enmeshed with one’s negative inner critic.
The inner critic can manifest to one’s own personality and become enmeshed in ones identity making it difficult to separate. As life continues, the critic begins to take the driving seat in ones own reactions and perception. Fighting the critic reduces such attacks by substitution of thought (replacing negative self talk with positive) and thought correlation (when i revert to; “shut up!” I will instead ask for a break etc). Such reflection leads to an increased sense of personal likeability and desire for interpersonal boundaries.

Feel, accept, reflect – feel the emotion and label it, whatever it be it is important for recovery to fully accept that its ok to be feeling in this way. It can be helpful to remember our key phrase; “I feel – – – and because I choose to feel this way.” and repeat that until emotions return. Focusing on one’s breath can be beneficial in aiding the body to physically return to normal in the sense of its biological processes.

Work with support

Support gives a survivor a second set of eyes and opinion, in many cases support can be helpful in allowing a survivor of trauma to face difficulties with conflict (either self or relationship). Support from a trauma informed therapist can be important to work through the various issues which survivors of trauma face in their day to say life, providing validation and building confidence and ultimately helping build a strong foundation for which to recover. Many survivors may not feel comfortable using a therapist for support or may not be in the place to do so. Support can come in all forms, our group supports survivors by providing knowledge and information about our own trauma in order to help others feel less alone, online friendship can be beneficial for a survivor beginning their recovery journey as it removes the uncontrolled aspects of making and maintaining “real world” friendships.

Focus on the little things

Focusing on the small positives on one’s life can also aid a survivor in managing to balance anger appropriately. Reflecting on the reason behind the anger as well as balancing with reasons they are still OK in this moment can really cement a survivors recovery especially during difficult times.
This can be achieved by replacing negative self talk with more positive affirmations and balancing the in-the-moment anger that a survivor of trauma experiences. Practicing gratitude can be helpful in building these skills.

Build a positive circle

In this age of technology and at a time of lockdown restrictions and recommendations, a circle can be a small number of online relationships and friendship. There is no neccesity in meeting face to face, the goal primarily is to form a positive trusting circle with similar individuals of whom you can open up and reflect with. Reflecting in a group can propel recovery as the brain reacts to the opinions of one’s “pack” more intensely than individual thought.

Work on staying in the present

It is common for a survivor of trauma to over analyse the past in an effort to try to understand it. This is an important aspect of recovery however focusing on just one aspect leads to an imbalance and uneven recovery. Working on staying in the present not only helps an individual from basing present day decisions on past experience but gives a sense of freedom from past abuse. As the singular event(s) is over (and in some cases ongoing); the only fuel that can be given to it is that of a survivors own mind.

Although it is imperative to process the symptoms of trauma and at times the event that occured; it must not be forgotten to balance this with healthy expression in all forms. A balanced approach stops a misdirected recovery and helps a survivor of trauma to begin to live again.

Posted on 25th Sep 202025th Sep 2020 by traumaresearchuk 2

Using crying to recover from past traumatic experiences

The opposite to anger (recovery through anger can be found Here), crying and grief/sadness usually follows angry expression and has a close relationship in terms of recovering from trauma through grieving.

Recovering from trauma through crying

In recovering from trauma, survivors face a phase of grieving in order to propel and resolve overwhelming feelings associated with past trauma. Recovery through grieving allows an individual to work through the loss associated with experiencing trauma. Grieving effectively aids trauma recovery and helps a survivor of trauma with the death-like feeling of being lost/trapped within trauma flashbacks and memories (am overview of recovering from trauma through grieving can be found here)

Crying as a recovery tool brings relief in the same sense as anger and both work alongside the other in achieving total release of repressed emotion. Both anger and crying free a survivor from the abandonment which trauma caused.

Although both crying and anger are the main tools in recovering from trauma through grieving, an unbalanced approach is not only difficult for others to react to but can lead to negative outcomes with regards to maladaptive coping and interpersonal relationship issues. Having this in mind; the utilisation of both anger and sadness (grief or crying) can actually be socially deviant. In terms of socioeconomic culture and gender perceptions – using anger and sadness fully (in their full spectrum of feeling) can be viewed by others negatively.

Many cultural differences can impact the ability to use grieving methods throughout recovery. It does not however negate the importance of both methods being required in order to grieve effectively and fully. The British culture is renowned for its stereotypes just as any other country is. Typically, British culture is viewed as individuals who have a stiff upper lip. This refers to the concept that the British are quite reserved; keeping their emotions and feelings to themselves. With regards to the authenticity of this stereotype I am not going to debate, however generally speaking as a culture; we tend to not express ourselves as fully as we perhaps should and this will have implications when recovering through grieving.

Gender stereotypes also play a part in an unbalanced grieving response and of course age, life experience and socioeconomic status. As far as gender perceptions are concerned; males commonly show an imbalance with favouring anger as a grieving response as opposed to females who tend to use grief and crying in an attempt to fully express oneself and ultimately recover from using such grieving methods. As helpful as one method can be, an imbalance of one or the other can lead to reactionary behaviour and further repressed emotion. If possible; a survivor of trauma should attempt to balance both anger and grief when recovering. Of course only one emotion can be felt at any one time and that is completely natural. Each phase should be fully experienced on their own and in conjunction in order to fully express emotions which may have previously been unresolved. There is a cut off where coping solely with anger or grief turns maladaptive, a balanced approach has shown to be more effective in terms of recovery.

Incomplete release comes from an unbalanced grieving response. That is in terms of emotions being stored in the body and resulting in reactionary responses to both the outside world (outer critic) and self (inner critic).

Having the ability to cry without judgement actually serves to stimulate relaxation and self growth. For a survivor of trauma; ones grief and sadness may have been met by disdain or an increase in abusive events and or punishments. This can result in many survivors of trauma having great issue in terms of dealing with grief and the emotional issues that arise from said response. Crying however balances the parasympathetic nervous system; which Walker (2013) states helps to balance hyperarousal commonly experienced during flashbacks and associated trauma symptoms.

When a baby is born; it first expresses fear/anger and loss of safety as it initially screams. This is more often than not followed quickly by sadness and grief over the loss of the womb – its safe place. The newborn is quickly consoled by direct skin contact from its parental figures – more importantly; the mother. That bond that formed over 9 months is finally met in environment and the familiar smells and breathing of the mother provides an alternative nurturing comfort which was once provided in utero.

Humans are built to connect, to feel safe and to express freely. Over the developmental period however this free expression becomes stifled. Although it becomes more difficult to express in terms of sociocultural difficulties, it is still one of the most important aspects of recovering from trauma through grieving.

Using crying aids a survivor who also deals with negative self critic attacks. Crying stops the inner critic by releasing fear before it turns to a trauma response (I.e a flashback). Crying as a grieving tool actually dissipates fear, shame, guilt, self abandonment and increases a survivors ability to process anger (which in turn aids grieving).

Recovery from trauma through crying allows a survivor to grieve and provides a cathartic release which leads to fully mourning the losses associated with past trauma and abuse. This may take the form(s) of grieving over lost relationships, a lack of nurture or sense of self. When a survivor is able to feel the natural sorrow of the horrors of their past; it leads to experience and connection with not only the self but with others.

It is important that a survivor who is using grieving as a recovery tool has an ability to accept crying and sorrow whilst simultaneously riding the wave of emotion in its entirety. Fully experiencing sorrow leads to an increase in self compassion as the survivor forgives oneself for the myriad of trauma events that occurred at the hands of another.

Repeated practice of fully expressing emotions allows said practice to become habitual and this becomes the cornerstone in recovery. The increased self esteem and reduction in flashbacks and trigger reactions leads to a reduction in personal abandonment fears. As crying increases self compassion; a survivor begins to see a positive correlation with regards to maintaining healthier relationships.

With the newfound ability to be present and available begins to aid a survivor in developing new friendships which are healthier than previous experience. The release of repressed grief increases self allegiance and strengthens confidence and self esteem while providing a solid foundation in which to lay boundaries. These new additions to one’s recovery toolbox serves an individual in their personal relationships with others and the self.

In reference to a survivor who faces incomplete expression; tension may build within the body and the mind. This can range from self hate (controlling behaviour), outer critic attacks, 4f response reliance or maladaptive coping. This blocked anger or sadness usually results from repressed crying or feeling resulting in decreased lower limb activity, avoidance, headaches, dry mouth, fatigue, chest pain, chronic pain, stomach pain, nausea, behavioural overreaction, self harming behaviour and substance abuse/reliance or addiction.

Denied feelings result in limited beliefs, a lack of appropriate risk taking and poor connection. It can be helpful to use the phrase; “I feel – – – the because I choose to feel this way.” when dealing with emotional reactions that feel overwhelming.

In order to completely grieve, an individual must gain some form of closure. As is the case with anger; a survivor who is not able to fully process either sadness or anger should not continue trying to recover from past trauma through grieving. Support should be sought from a trauma informed therapist in order to complete the fundamental background work required prior to continuing their recovery journey.

Other helpful ways in which to grieve through sadness include;

Reflection – write down or journal emotions and feelings for the day, it may be helpful to follow a script or pre written interview when reflecting. Journaling is an effective way to set small; attainable goals whilst tracking them as well as providing opportunities for self reflection, offloading of thoughts and allowing an alternative response to be explored. Journaling or reflecting can also be useful for a survivor of trauma when attempting to replace negative self talk and behaviour.

Replace negative with positive (the key is balance) – it can be common for a trauma survivor to become enmeshed with one’s negative inner critic.
The inner critic can manifest to one’s own personality and become enmeshed in ones identity making it difficult to separate. As life continues, the critic begins to take the driving seat in ones own reactions and perception. Fighting the critic reduces such attacks by substitution of thought (replacing negative self talk with positive) and thought correlation (when i revert to; “shut up!” I will instead ask for a break etc). Such reflection leads to an increased sense of personal likeability and desire for interpersonal boundaries.

Motion releases emotion – simply getting up and moving your body can switch uncomfortable feelings to a more tolerable level. This can be helpful when fully expressing grief in order to ride the wave but also provide relief. As trauma and unresolved emotions are stored in our body; it is as equally important to work on releasing repressed trauma from the body through muscle release or meditation. Participation in trauma release exercise can really aid a survivor in letting go of the pent up emotions which become stored within our body. More info and examples of TRE can be found in our Facebook group.

Feel, accept, reflect – feel the emotion and label it, whatever it be it is important for recovery to fully accept that its ok to be feeling in this way. It can be helpful to remember our key phrase; “I feel – – – and because I choose to feel this way.” and repeat that until emotions return. Focusing on one’s breath can be beneficial in aiding the body to physically return to normal in the sense of its biological processes.

Heightened emotional states produce biological reactions similar to those experienced in a flashback. Breathing and taking mindful breaths can return one’s heart rate, blood pressure, cortisol and adrenaline to lower levels. Focusing on any abdominal sensations can be helpful when dealing with grief as it is stored within the GI system as well as mind.

Using both anger and grief in order to recover from past trauma can be liberating and freeing; however it is not a quick fix. Using appropriate grieving methods in which to recover can take years in order to fully process however does provide a survivor of trauma with that release necessary for both the body and mind to recover.

Posted on 24th Sep 2020 by traumaresearchuk 3

Using anger to grieve past trauma.

In recovering from trauma, survivors face a phase of grieving in order to propel and resolve overwhelming feelings associated with past trauma. Recovery through grieving allows an individual to work through the loss associated with experiencing trauma. Grieving effectively aids trauma recovery and helps a survivor of trauma with the death-like feeling of being lost/trapped within trauma flashbacks and memories. An overview of recovery through grieving can be found here

Using anger as a grieving method

In order to recover from trauma; it can be helpful to grieve the loss of self through the four responses of grieving; anger, sadness, verbal ventilation and feeling.

Using anger as a grieving tool can serve to benefit a survivor of trauma by replacing critic driven attacks of the self with an increased self compassion and the revival of past protective instincts.

In order to vent the injustice of past trauma and injustice, a survivor must embrace the disdain of previous events and their outcomes. Trauma brings a sense of loss; the loss of one’s sense of self, compassion and perceived safety. As social animals, humans crave a sense of belonging. Grieving the loss of one’s sense of self is imperative to recovery from trauma.

Anger is a natural emotion, a warning sign that self protection is necessary as ones boundaries are tested or crossed. As a base emotion for a plethora of underlying injustices – anger is grown by the need to protect; humans are born to express emotions freely; this Instinct can become dulled through social circumstance and experience; making the notion and act of anger difficult to attain.

Anger must be processed in the mind and body; unresolved emotions such as anger can cause a range of issues for an individual. Repressed anger presents as; sarcasm, self sabotage, abandonment fears, muscle tension in the jaw, upper back and stomach; fatigue, a compromised immune system, nail biting/picking/chewing, substance reliance/dependence, addiction, control issues, difficulties saying “no”, passive aggressive communication styles and at times ultimate denial. An individual with repressed anger may be in such a state of denial they believe they are inherently happy however display physiological or psychological reactions which indicate an anger response.

It is important to note that for those survivors who cannot express anger (or any of the grieving methods) work on with a trauma informed therapist should be completed prior to recovering through grieving. In such instances, emotional labeling and becoming aware of one’s emotional waves is a great fundamental basis for prior grieving work.

Whether anger is managed alone or with support, working through such feelings alone can be incredibly beneficial in building a sense of armour in order to protect oneself from inner critic attacks.

Anger is a deep emotional response that can be productive or destructive; to oneself and others and especially if not used appropriately. If anger is processed in maladaptive ways; it can lead to the manifestation of unsafe coping and further issues with mental health. There is no need to rage directly at the abuser, especially if a survivor is still within the dynamics of abuse. It is important to remember that only some growth can be obtained whilst residing within similar toxic conditions as these circumstances will inadvertently cause triggers, Flashbacks and reliance upon one’s survival mechanisms (leading the survivor unable to fully reflect or gain appropriate perception of their environment or reactions).

Using anger to grieve past trauma rescues a survivor from feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness they once were forced to experience. Through self defence and protection, anger releases a survivor from the chains of past abuse and expectations.

When a survivor is able to vent the injustices of the past; complain of past loss (both loss of self and loss of perceived safety/nurturing relationships) and rage about previous intimidation tactics used against them – they open themselves to a new world of forgiveness and compassion. Not forgiveness of the abuser as that is not necessarily required in order to grieve, but forgiveness of the self and the reparenting (and nurturing) of one’s inner child.

It is perfectly acceptable and is encouraged that a survivor rages the neglect, humiliation, lack of safety, betrayal, protection and lack of guidance they faced or endured. To be able to accept that what happened was only the fault of those who chose to do unthinkable acts and not the fault of ourselves is to open our horizon to freedom and inner peace. When we have spent the majority of our new lives berating or criticising ourselves not only does the inner critic take on its own identity, we become used to speaking and treating ourselves in the exact same way the abuser did. We are angry at the fact the situation occurred in the first place more than the intricate acts of abuse we independently experienced.

The inner critic can manifest to one’s own personality and become enmeshed in ones identity making it difficult to separate. As life continues, the critic begins to take the driving seat in ones own reactions and perception. Fighting the critic reduces such attacks by substitution of thought (replacing negative self talk with positive) and thought correlation (when i revert to; “shut up!” I will instead ask for a break etc). Such reflection leads to an increased sense of personal likeability and desire for interpersonal boundaries.

Anger is a great tool in using to defend against critic centered attacks. The “shut up” one may revert to telling oneself can be counteracted by thought substitution and correlation which eventually becomes habitual. Stopping self hate and blame by redirecting the anger a survivor may feel towards the self with anger to the event can help to aid one’s self compass and realign ones inner needs and desires.

Anger as a grieving method also teaches a survivor to assertively respond to the self and others. It revives previous lost instincts of self protection and defence as ones inner boundaries increase; a survivor gains confidence in furthering their recovery by taking more risk and building positive experiences.

Emotional avoidance is a common maladaptive way of coping with anger. It is natural for a survivor to fear anger, in many instances anger was used as a precedent to abuse faced and so in a survivors adult life this emotional response becomes tangled with negative past experiences as well as poor self reflection and compassion making ultimately a fearful response.

Being accepting of anger as a natural emotion is crucial in using it effectively to recover from past trauma. The biological reactions that anger brings can also be used to one’s advantage; the adrenaline and cortisol can be used to get tasks done, to process emotion and to strengthen boundaries.

Anger can be productive and empower or it can take on a destructive form and turn to envy, hate, disdain, bitterness and distrust. Each destressing facet that anger may bring only arrives through maladaptive use and coping. Anger as an emotional response has a natural curve and will dull, having safety in this fact is imperative; knowing that the anger you feel is temporary and as a protective measure can be beneficial in using it safely.

This technique of recovery is not a short process. Anger naturally presents itself across recovery. The key is in using it when it does arrive to be productive to one’s trauma recovery; by using anger to positively recover one’s inner psyche over years of background work.

The reconstruction of anger towards abuser(s) limits the potential for a survivor to reenter a new toxic relationship. As is common for many survivors of trauma; toxic relationships can cause compounding of trauma experienced and a plethora of issues with retraumatization. Allowing oneself to feel the anger that is natural will open new parameters to reflection which will allow a survivor to see warning signs clearly and employ a reactionary style to preserve their inner self.

Using anger effectively increases personal boundaries and gives it strength as well as increasing self confidence and compassion. All three absolutely essential in furthering ones recovery journey, it is not without the other that one can fully accept oneself and release the blame and guilt that has been unresolved.

It is important for a survivor to take time in assessing healthier ways to express anger and use it safely. Some ways that anger can be expressed in a healthier manner are covered below

Work with support

Support gives a survivor a second set of eyes and opinion, in many cases support can be helpful in allowing a survivor of trauma to face difficulties with conflict (either self or relationship). Support from a trauma informed therapist can be important to work through the various issues which survivors of trauma face in their day to say life, providing validation and building confidence and ultimately helping build a strong foundation for which to recover. Many survivors may not feel comfortable using a therapist for support or may not be in the place to do so. Support can come in all forms, our group supports survivors by providing knowledge and information about our own trauma in order to help others feel less alone, online friendship can be beneficial for a survivor beginning their recovery journey as it removes the uncontrolled aspects of making and maintaining “real world” friendships.

Muscle release

As trauma and unresolved emotions are stored in our body; it is as equally important to work on releasing repressed trauma from the body through muscle release or meditation. Participation in trauma release exercise can really aid a survivor in letting go of the pent up emotions which become stored within our body. More info and examples of TRE can be found in our Facebook group.

Focus on the little things

Focusing on the small positives on one’s life can also aid a survivor in managing to balance anger appropriately. Reflecting on the reason behind the anger as well as balancing with reasons they are still OK in this moment can really cement a survivors recovery especially during difficult times.
This can be achieved by replacing negative self talk with more positive affirmations and balancing the in-the-moment anger that a survivor of trauma experiences. Practicing gratitude can be helpful in building these skills.

Build a positive circle

In this age of technology and at a time of lockdown restrictions and recommendations, a circle can be a small number of online relationships and friendship. There is no neccesity in meeting face to face, the goal primarily is to form a positive trusting circle with similar individuals of whom you can open up and reflect with. Reflecting in a group can propel recovery as the brain reacts to the opinions of one’s “pack” more intensely than individual thought.

Work on staying in the present

Posted on 24th Sep 202024th Sep 2020 by traumaresearchuk 3

Recovery through grieving

Some methods of grieving are inaccessible to trauma survivors dependant on where they are in their own recovery and personal experience they have faced. For example, a trauma survivor may not be able to show anger or have the ability to cry, ventilate verbally or express feelings. Work should therefore explore this prior to grieving as a recovery intervention.

Grieving ingests our most painful experiences and feelings. This can cause the downward spiral, Flashbacks, suicidal ideation and active suicidality. It is imperative to have insight as to whether this recovery type is appropriate at the present moment. If one struggles with any of the four methods of grieving (anger, feeling, crying, verbal ventilation) prior work must be explored or adequately supported from a trauma informed therapist.

Through recovery, a survivor must appropriately grieve and reparent the self; leading to nurturing self thought and insight.

Insight is crucial; it helps a survivor respond to their past experiences with kindness and self acceptance. As a survivor works through the common losses that trauma will bring; insight leads to the need to process unresolved grief.

Trauma causes loss within an individuals psyche. Recovery through grieving works through the loss associated from trauma such as; a loss of Childhood, of relationships, a loss of trust in others and personal ability to protect or express feelings; the loss of safety or the loss of the perception of safety, a loss in an individual’s sense of self (self compassion or self esteem), a loss in the sense of belonging and the heartbreak of (potentially numerous) failed attempts to win approval or affection. Each of these losses that has been caused by past trauma leads an individual to grieve the original act and consequences of such.

It is only through grieving, building the inner critic and processing unresolved grief that an individual can heighten their recovery. Where first insight is required in order to understand the loss personally experienced it becomes a catalyst in recovering through grieving and finding peace within the self.

As a survivor of trauma begins to grieve and evolve; it is common to uncover unresolved grief from the absence of nurturing experience. It is within this insight that a survivor can begin to understand how unmet needs in childhood or within interpersonal relationships may lead an individual to have to reparent one’s psyche in a nurturing way in order to feel peace.

Survivors who are not able to appropriately grieve their past trauma (due to inability to express) may benefit from additional support from a trauma informed practitioner. It can be helpful to look within the body as a way to balance the difficulties that trauma symptoms may bring. Until such times, recovery through grieving should not be attempted.

Mourning the awful realities that we have experienced creates a self empowerment which ultimately acts as a catalyst in our own self care and compassion. However on this journey of recovery through grieving; many instances can bring about an acute onset of trauma symptoms which have to be addressed patiently and in a nurturing way as our mind begins to provide us opportunity to successfully self parent in a way we perhaps have not experienced before.

With sufficient grieving and support, a survivor can grieve oneself out of shame, guilt and fear. Sufficient grieving bringa the knowledge that one was innocent at the time of abuse. It is this insight which sticks and remains a constant as the recovery journey begins to progress. As self compassion and acceptance builds; the survivor is said to become ready and able to face the challenges that complex trauma can bring.

The increase of self compassion allows an individual to parent themselves (be there for) no matter what they may be experiencing internally (inner critic) or externally (outward reaction).

The inner critic is explained by Pete Walker in his book; “CPTSD; from surviving to thriving”, 2013. Walker explains that it is the inner critic that can become the greatest difficulty to recover from and cause the most issue with regards to recovery through grieving. The toxic inner critic attacks can leave a survivor of trauma feeling punished before grieving can fully be explored leading to an exacerbation of symptoms instead of relief. When tears automatically trigger toxic shame (“I’m so pathetic!”) or inner critic attacks; it is imperative to cease recovery through grieving and seek support in order to validate and pick through such attacks.

In such cases where an individual struggles with one of the 4 types of grieving, prior inner critic work should be explored before grieving can begin.

With reference to the critic, it is driven by fear. This can cause an acute onset of trauma symptoms including; flashbacks, critic attacks and intrusive thought. Fear is a core emotional experience (Walker, 2013). In such instances, emotional tools can be helpful in metabolising and managing fear responses. It is through the four grieving responses that fear is released from the psyche, by crying, angering, verbally ventilating and allowing oneself to fully feel and ride the wave of emotions. Unfortunately, each of these 4 responses to grieving can become internalised and magnified and thus start to create personal difficulties with recovery. Recovery is enhanced when a survivor can use each response to grieving in a rational and balanced way, in a way which shrinks the inner critic and allows for the highest optimal progression throughout recovery.

As we look more in depth at each response to recovering through grieving; we can identify which area or response we may find difficulty in. Our insight will aid us in creating a stronger and more nurtured individual psyche as we begin to self parent in the way by which we require in order to grow within.

As we continue to work within the body in releasing the past trauma, we make space for this new form of recovery to ensue. As time progresses our journey becomes more bountiful as we begin adding to our psyche in ways to help our inner child grow and feel safe again. We replace the fear and loss of our sense of self by our new constructed psyche as we continue on the road to recovery; we find things easier to integrate and interpret within our daily lives.

Posted on 22nd Sep 202024th Sep 2020 by traumaresearchuk 4

Symptoms related to trauma

I did a video today which is a more colloquial way to learn about some of the more under represented symptoms of trauma illnesses.

In this video I cover which less reported symptoms our group members have experienced due to trauma. I also cover where tension is stored in the body, the mind body connection, tension as it relates to unresolved emotions and trauma and our biological reactions to triggers.

I feel that this video can be beneficial to those individuals who may be experiencing other symptoms maybe less known to be linked with trauma. It’s also important to understand how our body stores emotion and deals with triggers as a way of identifying subtle trigger points and releasing trauma from the body.

More detailed work can be found in “the body keeps the score” literature by Professor Van Der Kolk which we have available on our group units.

I hope you find this helpful, please have patience as I gain confidence in using this format. I do believe it will be helpful for those who have difficulty with written text.

The video can be found here

Posted on 11th Sep 202011th Sep 2020 by traumaresearchuk 0

Repressed memories

Individuals who have experienced trauma in the developmental period or within adult interpersonal relationships may find one of the most difficult aspects to recover is forgotten (or repressed) memories.

Research has shown there to be two types of forgotten memory; those that are consciously blocked by the individual; and those that are subconsciously forgotten as a protective measure from our brain. The latter of which generally involves a deep trauma and causes the brain to drop the memory into a “non-conscious zone”.

Memory repression is a controversial area which is still debated to this day. Originating from Freud in the late 1800s; we see the belief that memory repression is a defence mechanism against traumatic events. Freud believed that those individuals who showed signs of having set symptoms with no clear cause were actually suffering from repressed memories. Individuals suffering from memory suppression had no memory of the trauma(s) however experienced set body symptoms which suggested an underlying subconscious thought.

This causes controversy as many theorists within the field believe that memory is highly flawed and completely subject to individual bias and perception. Memories are formed by this bias; how we felt in the moment and how we felt emotionally at the time. Personally, this notion leads one to believe that in cases of complex trauma and developmental trauma; as personal emotions worsen during these relationships; instances of abuse are thus compounded due to the already abused psyche holding extreme negative emotion at the time of trauma.

Memories are still useful in exploring accompanied psychological issues however, one should be aware that the perception of these memories may have been heightened or in some cases unduly subdued through dissociation at the time of trauma.

Repressed memories are stored deep within the body, construction of this concept has led to many trauma-informed theorists adopting the belief that working with the body can be beneficial in healing from trauma; especially trauma that has been purposely forgotten.

Professor Van Der Kolk stated that unpacking suppressed memories in an attempt to remember them may not in fact be as useful as once thought with regards to healing trauma.

In contrast to this, Theorists who believe regaining ones memory to be beneficial to recovery and so offer repressed memory therapy.

Repressed memory therapy is designed to access and recover past memory in an effort to releive unexplained symptoms which accompany trauma. Practitioners of this often use a variety of techniques such as hypnosis and guided imagery to aid the recovery of repressed memories.

Approaches to this include;

Primal therapy
Sensorimotor psychotherapy
Somatic transformation therapy
Brainspotting
Neurolinguostic programming
Internal family systems therapy

However, science-based research and evidence doesn’t support the effectiveness of these approaches due to the unintended consequences they bring.

Approaches to recover memory often result in an individual constructing false memories to replace the void. Such memories created through suggestion by therapies can actually cause a plethora of new issues to arise.

Not only do they have a hugely negative impact on the trauma Survivor; but the individuals who may be implicated as a result.

There are various ways in which a survivor of trauma may not hold the memory they seek. In cases of trauma occurring in childhood, simple age may be a factor; dissociation is often used by child survivors in order to withstand parental abuse whilst remaining emotionally attached to said figure(s). This detachment; also used in adult complex trauma, can blur or block the memory of event. It has also shown to be common in instances of Childhood emotional neglect (CEN) where the child may dissociate until they are emotionally equipped to deal with said memory.

In instances of child abuse or neglect; memory may take different meaning and make more sense later in life either due to life experience or therapeutic support. In such cases of realising the significance of an event or memory; it can be common for the now adult survivor to rexperience the trauma and be presented by an acute onset of trauma symptoms as a result.

Some additional symptoms which could be present due to unresolved trauma include;

Insomnia, fatigue, nightmares
feelings of doom
Tense, aching muscles
Stomach distress, GI issues
Chronic pain
Concentration/memory difficulties
Confusion
Anger
Anxiety
Depression
Low self esteem
Obsessive or compulsive behaviour
Secondary manifestations of mental illness (eating disorders, OCD, generalised anxiety, agoraphobia etc)

It is important to note that a therapist should never “coach” you through memory recall, nor should they suggest any abuse experienced (a good trauma informed therapist should be unbiased).

Experts do not know enough about memory yet and so are unable to distinguish a real experience from a false memory unless evidence supports said recovered memory. The APA (American psychological agency) suggest that recovery of memory is rare and that one should treat the body in an attempt to release the effects of past unresolved trauma.

Professor Van Der Kolk is – in my opinion; at the forefront of trauma informed treatment methods which are multidimensional; taking care of not just the mind, but the body too. His work; “The body keeps the score” is seminal reading for trauma survivors who have stored unresolved trauma in their body.

As the body is said to keep a physical memory of all of your experiences; it can be helpful to remind oneself that although your mind has repressed this event; your body has not. Thus working within your body to release trauma seems to be the most effective way of doing so (also the safest as it reduces the risk of retraumatization).

As we age: we naturally forget. Memories will naturally fade. If we spend our entire adult lives seeking a truth that may never come to fruition; we begin wasting time on a quest that can be completed by looking within our bodies.

The body does not forget. memories are stored there, at times we must Trust our minds protection and although difficult as it may be, I do not think memories are required to be recovered in order to continue to heal.

Our Facebook group contains valuable resources in order to help your body recover including; trauma release exercise examples and resources on Professor Van Der Kolk’s book: the body keeps the score. In rejecting the notion that we must process and remember past unresolved trauma; we free our minds and allow it to progress along the recovery journey.

Posted on 9th Sep 20209th Sep 2020 by traumaresearchuk 1

Trauma Research UK

Providing support through research and awareness of all facets of trauma